Jamie's Journey
by CBloom2
Summary: Sorry about the lame title - it was one of those fics where I couldn't think of a snazzy title. Good old angst and brotherly love! It's better than the title suggests.


**Happy New Year everyone! Here I am with my first fic for 2013! Its another angsty one with Jamie having a bad time and Danny being there for him (would you expect anything less from me?)**

**As always the characters that you recognise do not belong to me - I just like to make them cry!**

Danny Reagan glanced at the clock once again - it was only five minutes later than last time he'd looked at it. He huffed impatiently as he grabbed the tv remote and began randomly pressing buttons.

He was currently sat in his brothers apartment, waiting for said brother to come home. Linda and the boys had gone to spend the night at her mothers so Danny had arranged to have some brother time. Jamie had readily agreed, happy to spend some time with his oldest sibling, so he had decided that he would pick up some pizza on the way home after his shift had finished. After yet another glance at the clock, Danny came to the conclusion that Jamie's shift had finished two hours ago. He had tried phoning and texting but still nothing. Danny wasn't overly concerned at this time, after all he knew as well as anyone how plans can change when you're a police officer - but his stomach was starting to feel a little concerned that there was nothing going into _it_!

About half an hour later, just as Danny was about to grab his coat and keys and go searching for Jamie, the door suddenly opened, causing Danny to drop his keys back down on the table, "About time...I was starting to worry...a man could starve to death waiting for you," he joked. However, the joke soon died on his lips when he took in the sight of his brother.

Jamie was soaking wet, literally dripping. His hair was flat against his head. His clothes hadn't faired much better - his shirt was plastered to him and...where was his coat?

"Jamie?" Danny enquired quietly.

Jamie didn't seem to know where he was. He looked up at Danny's voice, but he looked startled - surprised to see Danny, "I need a beer," was all he said as he squelched across the living room into the kitchen. Danny followed cautiously, concerned by his brothers behaviour. Jamie had been know to have his moments, but this...this had come out of nowhere. Danny had spoken to his brother earlier in the day and he had been fine - really up for having Danny over, getting the food etc - but this was a totally different Jamie, which started Danny wondering what had happened between then and now to change everything.

Jamie reached into the fridge and pulled out a can of beer. The

problem was that his hands were shaking so much that he struggled to open the can. When he did finally succeed in opening it, he chugged it down at an alarming rate "Jamie you ok?" Danny asked, feeling the worry crank up another notch.

"Hmm...m...fine," was all Jamie said.

Danny stepped towards him and risked placing a hand on Jamie's sodden arm, "Jamie, you're wet through - you need to get dry before you catch your death..." Danny stopped abruptly when he noticed that what little colour Jamie had in his face disappeared. Jamie glanced at Danny, who wasn't entirely convinced that the younger man had even seen him, "Yeah...hmmm...shower," Jamie mumbled as he placed his empty beer can on the table. He stumbled past Danny on his way to the bathroom. Danny put a hand out to steady him but it was batted away.

"I'll order some food shall I?" Danny ventured.

"Yeah Danny, whatever," Jamie replied quietly as he shut the bathroom door behind him.

Danny stood and watched the door for a while, convinced that Jamie would walk out in his sopping clothes. When, after about ten minutes, the door stayed closed, Danny picked up the phone and dialled for pizza.

About thirty minutes later the pizza arrived, "Pizza's here!" he called loudly, knowing that Jamie had turned off the shower a good ten minutes ago.

The bathroom door slowly opened to reveal a dry, freshly clothed Jamie. Danny watched his brother as he brought the pizza and some plates into the living room, "Grub's up," he said trying to keep his tone light. Jamie dragged his tired eyes to the food, then to Danny, shaking his head as he paled considerably at the sight of the food. After seeing this Danny decided that enough was enough. He sat himself down on the couch, "Ok Jamie, start talking," he instructed.

Jamies's haggared face looked puzzled, "There's nothing to talk about, I'm fine," he replied looking anything but fine.

"Jamie you are so not fine! Now what's going on with you?"

Jamie seemed to deflate right in front of him, as he ran a trembling hand through his hair, "There was an accident...on the way home from the precinct..."

That got Danny to sit up a bit straighter, "An accident?Are you ok? Were you hurt?" He asked as he mentally checked his brother for any obvious signs of injury.

"I'm fine Danny - I wasn't actually involved in it. I was walking down the street to get to my car, when I heard a car skidding on the wet road. It crashed into another car on the crossroads. I ran straight over to see if anyone was hurt. The people from one of the cars were already getting out and calling 911 - but in the other car there was...I saw...I saw a little girl...she was half hanging out of the door, still in her seatbelt. She couldn't't have been no more than 8 years old Danny..."Jamie took a deep breath to try to steady the continual shaking, as Danny shuffled closer to him, ending up sitting on the coffee table so that he could see his brother better - a deep sense of dread descending upon him.

"I managed to get her out," Jamie continued, "For a moment I thought she was gone, but as I unfastened the seatbelt and lifted her out, she gave a small cry..."

Danny let out a breath that he hadn't realised that he had been holding - relief replacing the earlier dread somewhat, although looking at his obviously shell shocked brother, he couldn't help but think that this story might not end well.

Jamie looked like he was starting to shut down, but Danny knew from experience that his brother needed to finish what he had started, "Jamie..." he encouraged gently.

Jamie re-focused, "She seemed ok - a bit banged up obviously but basically ok. I carried her over to the curbside where she started crying - she told me that her mum was driving the car - she was crying for her mum! I made sure that someone was with her so I could go and look for her mum. I went round to the drivers side..." he trailed off as tears began to form in his eyes. Danny shuffled forward on the table so that his knees were touching Jamies, "She was in a bad way Danny - real bad. I managed to open the door which caused her to open her eyes. She started to panic. I tried to calm her down. She kept asking if Abby was alright...and...and when I told her that she was, she calmed down, smiled then closed her eyes. I got her out as quick as I could. She'd stopped breathing Danny, I...I couldn't find a pulse. I started CPR making sure that Abby couldn't see anything - but it was no use. She was dead Danny - just like that. Dead! I tried everything but she wouldn't wake up!"

The dam finally broke as tears began to spill down his cheeks, "The paramedics said that I'd done everything I could - that I'd done my best. But had I Danny? Abby is without her mum now - I should've tried harder!" He began to sob as the full magnitude of what had happened hit him...hard.

Danny felt like his heart would break for his caring brother. He knew that Jamie would feel something like this keenly - hell who wouldn't? But knowing Jamie as well as he did he was certain that his little brother would spend the next few days beating himself up with guilt because he couldn't save her. The one saving grace was that he had opened up and had spoken about what had happened straight away, instead of bottling it up. Danny closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath. All he could picture in his mind was an image of his baby brother, knelt in the road in the pouring rain, trying desperately to save the life of a woman he had never met before. A shudder passed through him thinking about how Jamie must be feeling at that moment.

The sound of Jamie trying to draw breath through his tears brought Danny's attention back to his distraught brother. He leaned forward and pulled Jamie into a deep embrace. Jamie dropped his head onto Danny's shoulder as the tears continued to fall, "Shh Jamie, it'll be ok. Sounds to me like you did everything you could, but realistically she was dead from the minute the cars hit, no matter what you did." He soothed as he rubbed circles on the younger man's back. He could feel his own eyes beginning to sting, seeing his brother in such distress, "But you saved that little girl!"

All he got in return for his comforting was a few strangled sobs as Jamie struggled to get himself back under control. Danny continued rubbing circles on his back, hoping that he was finding the right words to comfort his shocked and devastated brother.

A short while later, Jamie had managed to pull himself back together enough to announce that he was going to bed, "Thanks Danny..." he said quietly, as he slowly got to his feet. When Danny didn't make a move, Jamie looked confused, "Don't you have to be home?"

Danny smiled, "I was staying here tonight coz Linda's away with the boys...you and me..."

"I was supposed to bring pizza!" Jamie exclaimed as the memory hit him.

"Don't worry, I got take out."

"I'm not hungry though..." Jamie trailed off.

"I know you're not. You go to bed, you've had a hell of a day, " Danny suggested, to which Jamie nodded his agreement - having already forgotten that going to bed had been his idea all along.

As Jamie made his way through the doorway to his bedroom, he stopped, "Would you mind staying tonight?" He asked - looking slightly ashamed of himself.

"Course I will kid - that's what I'm here for!" Danny replied. He'd had no intention of going anywhere until he was certain that Jamie was on his way to being ok.

A couple of hours and half a pizza later, Danny decided that it was time to call it a night. He knew that Jamie kept spare bedding in a drawer in his bedroom, so he quietly tip-toed into the room. He didn't turn on the light - he let the light from the living room light his way. He glanced towards the sleeping form. He could see that the sleep was far from restful. The covers were a mess from his tossing and turning and as he got closer to the younger man, Danny could also see the fresh tears that had lingered on his cheeks. He sighed as he gently pulled the covers a little higher. The movement caused Jamie to stir, "Shh...its just me...go to sleep," he whispered as he stroked Jamie's hair, just as he had done all those years ago when Jamie was small.

When he was certain Jamie was settled, he quickly got the bedding and quietly closed the door behind him, to allow his exhausted little brother to get some well earned rest.

**Not sure I'm happy with the ending, but it's done now. Hope I got both characters basically right. I wonder when we are going to see more brotherly moments in the show? Anyway I hope you liked it - thanks for reading.**


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